Monday, March 8, 2010


"I didn't know if you eat tuna fish, because of your...situation."
- My grandmother, referring to my vegetarianism

"I spit reality, Lisa."
- BiG, while rapping about Scoonie

"Remember when you were in college and you taped a bunch of cable tv shows for me? Thanks."
- text from my brother (absolutely no context)

"He correctly used the word 'idiom' and that made me want to jump his bones then and there."
- my friend D about a date


Monday, December 7, 2009


BiG: "What's your favorite prime number?"
Me: "I don't remember what prime numbers are."
BiG: "Who was your favorite 90210 guy: Perry, Priestley, or Ian Ziering?"
Me: "I liked Brian Austin Green...He was the nerd."
BiG: "He wasn't the nerd...He was like the Chachi of 90210."


I'm sorry, but I think mock-layer sweater-shirts are a cop out.


I don't think obsequious is a pretentious word to use. Do you?


My boyfriend and I went to sleep at 10 pm on a Saturday night. KEWP, I will never make fun of you again.


Tuesday, October 27, 2009

i'm it

Lindy Loo bestowed upon me the Honest Scrap Award, which means she tagged me on a blog meme. (I feel oh-so-2005!)

Once awarded, thank the person that gave it to you, list 10 honest things about yourself on your blog, pass the award on to 7 other bloggers and don't forget to let those 7 bloggers know you've chosen them.

1. Last night I feel asleep while fantasizing. (Not about sex, but about the colors I would knit sweaters.)

2. I can't stand when cats and dogs have crud in their eyes. Sometimes I will secretively wipe it out--or not so secretively.

3. When we are in production at work and I'm walking through the empty theater and backstage, I feel lucky to have such a cool job.

4. When we're not in production for a long stretch of time (say 5 months), I really miss being busy and I get stir crazy.

5. I prefer to match my underwear to my outfit.

6. I worry too much about life instead of just living it.

7. I have always been a writer but I have always had incredible difficulty ending a piece of writing. It's usually abrupt and hasty. Is this a metaphor?

8. I'm a great speller but bad at pronouncing words.

9. I'm very critical of myself and others, but I admit--I have nice handwriting.

10. I might use my asthma as an excuse for not exercising more.

Tagging S and Kewp - my other blogger friends have been tagged already!

Monday, October 19, 2009

not the mama

I decided--with confirmation from friends--that my wallet was a "mom wallet." As in, I could see my mother carrying the same sort of bland, burgundy pocketbook, with stretch marks from copious receipts and coupons for cat food. Thus, it was not cool to pull it out of my purse at a bar, or even Target for that matter.

For a few years now, I have been mildly preoccupied with not appearing "mom-like." I got my hair cut last week and have since been orbiting my head with an array of hair products and gadgets to combat what I fear is a suburban mom 'do. I have better things to do with my time, honestly.

I'm not sure what exactly precipitated my concern about not looking too (stereotypically) motherly. I fear looking like a mom and the attendant assumptions more than I fear actually being a mom. A few years ago I decided when/if I become a mother, I would get a tattoo, as if that would somehow ward off being typecast.

The inherent fear of being typecast could be the root of my mommy discrimination. I have always existed slightly out of the mainstream, or at least historically this is what my peers and/or I have determined. So to be aiming for something that is so very conventional and expected of women--motherhood--is rather uncomfortable. It's an itchy feeling.

But that superficial itch just can't compete with the biological itch of my one ovary, longing to get rid of one of those eggs it's been harboring for the last 30 years. (Suck it up, honey, you've still got a while.)

In the end, should I procreate, once I am in the thrall of a child, it probably won't matter as much to me what sort of wallet I carry. But, for my sake, I hope it does.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

if i twittered...

this is what I would have said today:

- Fucking mold spores.

- I fear when I'm sixty, my shoe collection will only contain Easy Spirits.

- My mother is bringing me 3 pounds of cheese tomorrow, so, yeah, I'm busy that night.

- My life would be infinitely better if my apartment had more crown moldings.

- Is it wrong to listen to Moby while working at an opera company?


Wednesday, September 23, 2009

potent quotables

"I think wearing leather pants would be like having giant fruit roll-ups wrapped around my legs."
- BiGHuNk57

"This is Goosey Lucy. She's really into cats." - my former roommate introducing me to his friend.

"It actually made me decide finally that I don’t like Diablo Cody. I think she’s like a spaghetti-o feminist." -Lindy Loo

"Oh, so, he's cheap too. I guess I should have realized when you said you met on a free dating web site." - my mom, referring to BiG

"I seriously don't get how lesbians find the Indigo Girls so hot." -Lindy Loo

"Bitch needs her sleep!" -my boss, about me

"They're like Romanian violinists--all crazy." -co-worker, about IT people

"I mean, hell, he has a bidet." -my friend S on the merits of her boyfriend